(No, this is not a post about drinking songs.)
Most of you, I’m sure, know the story of the rich young ruler who wanted eternal life and Jesus told him to sell all that he possessed. It was in his comments to his disciples after the young man left where he makes his camel and the eye of the needle remark. So, I’m sure most of you know the story but what do you do with it?
I was asking myself this very question while reading Wisdom of the Desert by Thomas Merton (it’s actually a translation by Merton of things ancient hermits said). These hermits gave up everything to go out into the desert and try to find God. What really got me thinking about this was reading how these hermits considered themselves unworthy sinners after years and years and years of searching and fasting and praying. The spiritual practice I do is absolutely nothing in comparison so is there any hope for me? Any at all?
So, I started asking myself: is Jesus really asking me — nay, telling me — to sell everything I own? How rich is “rich” — how rich must I be before it gets in the way? I think a sense of what Jesus was saying is found in the disciples’ reaction to his camel comment. “They were even more astonished and said to Him, ‘Then who can be saved?’ ” They didn’t breath a sigh of relief at this comment and thank their lucky stars they weren’t rich. They wondered who — including themselves — could be saved. I think this because Peter then starts defending the disciples by pointing out the painfully obvious fact that they had left everything for Jesus. Of course Jesus knew this so why did it need to be said?
So, again, I’m asking myself: Do I need to leave everything in order to follow Jesus? Of course, no self-respecting pastor is going to urge his congregation to leave everything for Jesus. No way, no how. If they did, who would pay for refinishing the hardwood floors in the sanctuary and the upkeep on the beautiful stained glass and the organ tuning and his salary! Don’t forget his salary! No. The pastor is going to talk about “attachment” to things or “letting money rule your life” or “tithing” or “coveting” or some other lousy rationalization.
The way I see it, owning something is no different than being attached to it or having it rule over you. I cannot own a car and not be attached to it. If I were not attached, I would not lock it. I would have the absolute minimum possible amount of insurance that still kept me in compliance with state laws. I’d let any of my friends drive it. I’d let my friends’ kids eat ice cream in the back seat. I’d offer to help all my friends use my car to move.
I cannot own a house and not be attached to it. If I were not attached, I would not lock it. I would not have an alarm system. I would have the absolute minimum possible amount of insurance that allowed me to get a mortgage. Scratch that. I would have a house that I could buy outright so that my mortgage payment never troubled me or kept me from tithing and giving the rest of what I owned to the poor and needy. So, I would basically be living in a shack which I probably would not be that attached to.
And what about my family? Jesus talks about leaving family to follow him. Surely he meant that I “leave” my daughter once she is grown and out of the house, right? He can’t possibly be talking about leaving her now when she is 14 months old!! Can he?
I just don’t know. What I do know is that you can think what you want about Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler but as for me, I know I’m attached to my family and to my things. I’ve got financial commitments and I make financial decisions that do not leave a whole lot left over for giving. I make decisions about what I do and when I do it that do not leave a whole lot of time for spiritual practice. And I’m not sure, yet, what it all means and what I’m supposed to do or what I will end up doing about it. But I am sure that these questions will be on my mind.
And as I write this, I feel that this is very inadequate — both my expression of my thoughts and what I’m going to do about it. “These questions will be on my mind.” What the hell does that mean? It’s meaningless. Less than meaningless. But the seed is there. I just need to let it grow. And that, itself, is trite and stupid but I cannot express it otherwise.
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