Archive for the 'But what about this verse?' Category

Riddle me this, Batman

Published
by
Ken
on October 4, 2007
in But what about this verse?, bible and biblical interpretation
. 0 Comments

I came across something in the Gospels that I’ve never noticed before. There is apparent(?) disagreement between the stories of the Roman centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant as told in Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10.

In Matthew, the centurion talks to Jesus directly and asks him to heal his servant. Jesus agrees to come to the centurion’s house but the centurion says that Jesus must only say the word and the servant will be healed.

In Luke, the centurion sends some Jewish elders to ask Jesus to come to the centurion’s house. Then, as Jesus approaches, the centurion sends some friends to tell Jesus that he must only say the word. Luke 7:7 explicitly states that the centurion did not talk to Jesus directly since the friends relay the following message to Jesus: “for this reason I did not even consider myself worthy to come to You …”

What’s up with that? How are these two accounts reconciled?

Ok, ok, we get it already! Let’s move on.

Published
by
Ken
on June 14, 2007
in But what about this verse?, bible, biblical interpretation, god's law, homosexuality and judging others
. 4 Comments

Kim Fabricius wrote a post on “The Real Sin of Sodom” and as you would expect got a lot of “feedback.” Kim’s stance is that Sodom was not destroyed because of homosexuality. In a quick read of the comments, “dh” is the most vocal and repetitive and holds the stance that Sodom was destroyed because of homosexuality plus a bunch of other stuff.

To quote Shakespeare, “The [commenter] doth protest too much, methinks.” But that’s neither here nor there.

What I do want to say is, “Ok, ok, we get it already! God does/doesn’t hate homosexuals and Jesus does/doesn’t hate homosexuals and Paul, Peter, Jude did/didn’t condemn all homosexual behavior and all homosexuals are/aren’t going to hell. We get it. Let’s move on to something else now.” Why is everyone condemning/defending homosexuality when it’s been done to death? Let’s agree to disagree and let the sign-in book at the pearly gates decide who the winner is. Besides, there are so many more un-maligned groups just waiting to be pounced upon. (Hopefully poor grammarians are not among them.) Let’s look at the verses touted as anti-homosexual to see who we should be condemning/defending next.

I Corinthians 6 says “… neither effeminate, nor homosexuals … will inherit the kingdom of God.” But there are a bunch of people in the ellipses that need to be straightened out. The fornicators and adulterers, for example. These two groups are actually mentioned before the homosexuals and the hermeneutic I’m using says that order is important. So let’s persecute these guys for a while now. Everyone put your “Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve” signs and posters and bumper stickers and banners and whatever into your PODS unit for a while and make up new ones that say “Abstinence is good for the soul” and “If you can’t keep it in your pants get married.” Then loiter outside singles clubs and raves where you know all kinds of unseemly acts of coitus are about to taking place. While you’re at it, start making up signs that say: “Stay married even if he beats you” because you know the divorce rate will go up because all these “kids” are getting married just to get some. We also have any Christian who goes to court. These bastards are mentioned even before the fornicators so you know it’s important.

Then, of course, there’s Leviticus 20:13: “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death.” But we’re not doing that anymore. Let’s look around at some of the other verses from chapters 11, 12, 19, and 20. We should, instead, be persecuting anyone without a beard, anyone who eats rabbit or pork or lobster or mussels or crabs, anyone not circumcised, anyone picking up grapes that have fallen onto the ground in a vineyard, anyone wearing cotton blends, anyone having intercourse with a women while she is menstruating, and anyone harming a foreigner. That’s quite the list so we’ve got some sign-making to do. I’ll hang out by the barbershops and you take the restaurants and together we’ll whip this country back into shape.

But, if you really, really want to keep harping on the homosexuals, I’ve found a real easy way to pick them out in a crowd. Romans 1:38-32 says:

And just as they (i.e. the homosexuals, both men and women) did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

So, you see, all homosexuals (at least the ones Paul says are going straight to hell) are greedy, murdering, deceitful, malicious, slandering, parental disobeying, untrustworthy, unloving, sons of bitches who heartily approve of everyone who murders, deceives, slanders, disobeys, etc.. They shouldn’t be too hard to spot!

Blogger Solves World Problems. Details at 11:00.

Published
by
Ken
on January 6, 2007
in But what about this verse?, christianity, jesus, money and wealth
. 1 Comment

This is a follow-up to my recent post No Christian should have a bank account or an IRA.

I started thinking about this and doing a little research and with the help of my trusty HP 15C calculator (which I swear is running on the same batteries since 1982) I’ve figured out the solution to all the world’s problems. Well, at least the monetary, hunger, and poverty problems.

The solution is … drum roll, please …

Do what Jesus tells you to do!

Imagine my surprise at the simplicity of it all. I mean, Christians are supposed to follow Jesus’ teachings, right? I mean that’s pretty much what the whole religion is based on, right? So, if Christians would just do what they are supposed to be doing in the first place then the world would be so much better. You can’t get any simpler than that. No extra work on anyone’s part. You gotta hand it to ol’ Jesus Christ. For being an uneducated carpenter he had a lot of foresight.

So, while I’m waiting for the Nobel Peace Prize commission to review my application and cut my check I’ll let you in on the details of the solution. Now admittedly, the numbers are approximate and some of my figures are a few years old but I do have other things to do than solve the world’s problems to the 17th decimal place and, in any case, you’ll see that it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference. So, here goes …

There are roughly 300 million people in the U.S. of which roughly 80% (or 240 million) are Christians. The average disposable income per capita in the U.S. is around $30,000. Now, the average disposable income is defined as “the income available to persons for spending or saving.” If you’re spending this disposable income it’s on things and according to Matthew 6:19 you are not supposed to do this:

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal [Jesus Christ]

If you’re saving this disposable income it’s “for a rainy day” and according to Matthew 6:34 you are not supposed to do this either:

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself [Jesus Christ]

And this is the real key to my solution and what makes it so attractive. Christians can solve the world’s problems without selling everything they own or leaving their family to join a convent or shaving their heads and taking vows of celibacy or anything as unpleasant as that. All they have to do is stop buying things and stop saving for retirement. But, as Jesus said, you don’t need to do those things anyway because He will take care of you.

OK, you say. Nice thought but what’s the bottom line?

Here it is … if every Christian really lived by Jesus’ teachings then Christians (and I’m only talking the Christians in the United States) would have $7,000,000,000,000 to help the world. That’s 7 trillion dollars! That’s 7 trillion dollars a year!

What could we do with $7 trillion a year? Let’s see …

  • The national debt is around $8.7 trillion so in one year and about 3 months the country would be out of debt.
  • To sponsor a child through Plan USA costs $24/month or $288/year. For $7 trillion, Christians could sponsor 20 billion children every year which basically means they could sponsor every single child on earth with a whole lot left over!
  • There would be enough left over, in fact, for Christians to foot the bill so the U.S. could abide by the Kyoto Protocol and finally do something about all the pollution we create.

That would be an awesome start. Don’t you agree? And it costs so little! I’ll even kick in half of my Nobel Peace Prize award to get things started. OK?

No Christian should have a bank account or an IRA

Published
by
Ken
on January 5, 2007
in But what about this verse?, christianity, god, jesus, money, religion and wealth
. 2 Comments

First of all, look at Matthew 6:

  1. Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
  2. but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
  3. for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

These are words spoken by Jesus. So, Christians should not have bank accounts or stock portfolios or IRAs or money under the mattress for these are all “treasures upon earth.”

“But,” you say. “But what will we eat? What will we wear? How will we afford to live during retirement? How will we provide for our families?”

Well, Jesus addresses some of these very questions. Look a few verses later…

  1. Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
  2. Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
  3. Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
  4. And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
  5. and yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
  6. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
  7. Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
  8. (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
  9. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
  10. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Jesus’ answer to all our worries is “take no thought for the morrow!” I guess the original “Don’t worry; be happy.” He claims that if He takes care of the birds and the flowers and if you are so much more than the birds and the flowers that He will take care of you. Pretty radical, huh?

I mean, just imagine, having faith. Faith in an all-powerful, all-knowing, loving God capable of creating the entire world by simply speaking! Why do we think we need to help out God by balancing our portfolios and working our asses off 50 and 60 hours a week to bring home the bacon? God says that He will take care of us. He knows that we need to eat and drink and have clothing (see verse 32) and He will provide.

This is directly from Jesus. He is telling us how to live our lives. Christians are supposed to be like Jesus and do what He tells us to do. Why do so many simply ignore Jesus’ direct words? I’ve heard pastors and teachers talk about these verses but they always talk about getting through “rough times”, there’s a “light at the end of the tunnel.” When you’re out of work, take heart. God will provide. But I don’t read it this way. Jesus is not talking about times “between jobs.” He’s talking everyday.

What’s more, the early church believed this and acted on it! Look at Acts 2:

  1. And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
  2. and sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.

They seemed to really believe what Jesus said about riches in Matthew 19:21

If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

Jesus spoke these words to a young man who had kept all of God’s laws since he was a child. And don’t forget the camel and the eye of a needle comment Jesus makes.

Jesus was poor. His followers were poor. His early church sold possessions and land and gave the money freely to anyone who needed it. But so many in the church today, Christians of today, don’t seem to be listening to Jesus’ words anymore. They are worried about tomorrow and believing what Jesus said. They are basically calling Jesus a liar or not powerful enough to follow through on what He said.

That’s a pretty weak God they want the rest of the world to believe in.

Did you know we weren’t supposed to judge others?

Published
by
Ken
on December 27, 2006
in But what about this verse?, god, judging others, religion and st. paul
. 0 Comments

Yup, it says so in the Bible. I’m not talking about the well-known “Judge not lest ye be judged”. I’m talking about a direct statement that the Church should only judge the Church and not the World.

I Corinthians 5:12,13

For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

Hmmm. Very interesting. So, the church really should not be concerning themselves with anyone outside the church. And if anyone is found to be wicked within the church then he/she is to be kicked out (ex-communicated, if you may) and then pretty much ignored.

So, people should not, in the name of God, picket abortion clinics or protest the Gay Pride parade or rail against homosexuals because of Sep 11. No, they shouldn’t. If the people going to or working at the abortion clinic are part of the church and they are wicked (and they must be if the abortion clinic is being picketed in the first place) then those people should be “removed” from the church. If they are not part of the church then they should be ignored because God will judge them.

Some people really seem to think God is crippled or is bed-ridden with a slipped disc or is away on vacation or something and needs help picking up around the house. If God says that “vengeance is Mine” and St. Paul says that God will judge the wicked, why don’t they believe it? Why do they think God needs help judging?

That’s a weak God they are worshipping.

If you’re gonna use Leviticus to argue that homosexuality is wrong, you gotta have a beard

Published
by
Ken
on November 19, 2006
in But what about this verse?, god, god's law, homosexuality and religion
. 0 Comments

What?

Leviticus 20:13

If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death.

Leviticus 19:27

You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads, nor harm the edges of your beard.

Leviticus 19:37

‘You shall thus observe all My statutes, and all My ordinances, and do them: I am the LORD.’ (emphasis mine)

Leviticus chapters 11 through 27 are God’s law as He dictated them to Moses. So, if you are going to hold the world accountable to God’s law about homosexuality, then you have to hold the world accountable to God’s law about beards or adultery. How can you pick and choose which of God’s laws you want to obey and which you don’t? Isn’t that a little bit like setting yourself up over God?

Plus, God doesn’t just say: “Homosexuality is wrong. Thou shalt picket and protest every chance thou havest. Thou shalt chant ‘Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve’ until thou losest thy voice and canst chant no more.” NO! God tells us to kill them!

God’s law includes consequences and punishments. So, technically, you are breaking God’s law by NOT killing the homosexuals and the adulterers and the clean shaven.

Here are a few other ways you, the reader, may be breaking God’s law without even realizing it. Watch out for flying stones from the hand of your ever-so-righteous neighbor!

  • Eating rabbit or pork (Lev 11:6,7).
  • Eating lobster, mussels, crabs, et al. (Lev 11:10-12). Bummer!
  • Having an uncircumcised pecker (Lev 12:3). Whew! At least I don’t have to worry about that one.
  • Picking up the grapes that have fallen to the ground in your vineyard (Lev 19:10).
  • Wearing cotton blends (Lev 19:19). Hold on whilst I go check all my shirts….
  • Harming a foreigner in your country (Lev 19:33). But they are Taliban!
  • Giving your kids to Molech (Lev 20:2). Who the heck is Molech?
  • Having sex with a women while she is having her period (Lev 19:18).

So, if you’re gonna use the Bible to condemn homosexuality, it’s better to stay away from Leviticus with all it’s encumbering dietary and fashion restrictions. Not to mention the sacrifices you need to make. Where the heck am I going to get a one year old lamb and a young turtledove at this time of year? There’s good stuff in the New Testament that will make your case for you but I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to find them. Yes, that means you actually have to READ the Bible! Hey, you may find some interesting stuff in there.