Punctum Saliens

A recent post on challies.com brought to mind an older one I read on the same site and both got me thinking about sin in children. Well, those posts plus some recent battles of the will with my 2 year old. Granted, my views have changed quite a bit since my first 17 years growing up in a Fundamentalist home and church but I’ve never thought of my daughter as rebelling or sinning when she refused to let me get her dressed. Because of my history I can see where that viewpoint comes from but it has never been my initial reaction.

First of all, I don’t see how the simple fact that I am a parent makes me always right and my daughter always wrong when we disagree on whether or not all her stuffed animals need to be put back in her blue bin. Yes, I am going to enforce my rules because that is my prerogative as parent but I don’t put all my stuff away all the time (or much of the time, for that matter). So, just because no one is telling me to put my stuff away makes it ok? And when I fix eggs for breakfast and she only eats a couple bites and I tell her she must eat them and she refuses, this is sin? Maybe she doesn’t want eggs for breakfast. If someone serves me something I don’t want, I’m going to take a few bites to please but I’m not going to devour it and ask for seconds. So, again, just because I’m a parent and I want her to eat the eggs, she’s rebelling and sinning?

Now, of course I know what’s good for her more than she does at this age — at least one would sincerely hope I do. And, yes, she needs to learn good eating habits (there’s lots of time to kick those habits when she’s older) and personal hygiene and social skills and yada yada yada. And, yes, she will not always want to learn those lessons and so there will be conflict. But at 2 years old she’s rebelling and sinning?

[ What follows is pretty much off-the-cuff so comments are appreciated ... ]

It seems to me that these battle-of-the-wills is normal human development and has nothing to do with being “totally depraved.” My daughter must carve out her own place in this world and develop her ego and figure out what works and what doesn’t. If she doesn’t, she will be severely maladapted. If she does not test the limits with me, how will she ever find out where the limits are? Can you imagine a child that, from birth, did everything her parents told her to do without fussing or fighting? She would have no will of her own. She would think that the best way to get by in this world was to please everyone because that’s all she has ever done and all she has ever known. And that is a very dangerous attitude to have.

Furthermore, if we do adopt the idea of total depravity then when does the sinning start? As soon as the child learns to say “No”? Is my 4-month old sinning by spitting out the pureed sweet potatoes?

Finally, I can’t help but see the parallels with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They were pretty much like that imaginary child who joyfully and willingly does everything her father tells her to do. They obeyed God completely and without question. But they didn’t stay babies forever. They began to develop and as a natural part of that development, they began to test the limits. And it seems that there really was only one way available to them for testing those limits. We are not told of any other thing that Adam and Eve could not do and so they really had no choice but to eat the fruit. It was the only way to develop their ego.

So, for now, I’m going to be happy (after the fact, maybe) when my daughter puts up a fight. I’ll know that her ego is developing and that she’ll stand a chance in this world when I’m not around. But, if you think of it, ask me what my attitude is in 3 or 4 years. It may be a little different